Imagine yourself deep in the Legislature in Victoria, and you're observing the Premier, Competition minister and Finance minister, and this plea from a billionaire NHL owner:

"Rick, Gary, Gordon - times are tough. I know you've laid off some government workers recently (not as many as Jim Sinclair and George Heyman claim, but some). Your own employees leak confidential information to your competitors. And although you've actually increased spending above what New Democrats spent, you're still seen as wild-eyed budget slashers. But life's not fair is it Or, as you Canadians say, 'life's not fair, eh !'

"So, Rick, Gary, I feel your pain. My line of work isn't a piece of cake either. You think you've got union problems The average employee in my business saw their salaries quadruple in the past decade. Nuts. The average paycheque in 1991 was U.S. $270,000. Last year, a lot of my competitors paid out an average salary of at least U.S. $1.2 million, or was it U.S. $1.3 million It's difficult to keep track.

"And my payroll Now everyone wants to be a millionaire. But I've been tough. Unlike those soft-touch American bosses, err-, I mean, American bosses in charge of American hockey teams, I've damn well been Harry S. Truman. I told my greedy little 22-year-old employees 'the buck stops here, and it stops now!' You should have seen the colour drain from their faces as they contemplated putting off the purchase of their third Porsche!

"Rick, Gary, Gordon - can I call you 'Rick,' 'Gary', 'Gordon' Thanks. Let me be frank. I've done my bit. The average salary for my players is only U.S. $760,000, or at least that's what it looks like according to the NHL website. But anyway, I know - the critics will say that U.S. $760,000 is $1.2 million Canadian, and in whatever currency, it does look like a lot of money. But you know, it's pretty friggin' hard to jet-set around this planet as an in-demand 22-year-old on only $1.2 million, especially after you subtract all the taxes you people pay up here.

"Am I making sense yet, Rick Gary - you're not nodding off on me are you What was I saying Oh yes, I've done my bit guys, and frankly, I'm a little tired of having to explain myself and to prostrate myself in front of taxpayers. It's humiliating. And the "ash-cloth and ashes" routine only works for so long. It's about time you ponied up cash on taxpayers' behalf.

"Down in my country, since just 1989, taxpayers spent U.S. $14.7 billion helping for-profit professional sports teams by building free stadiums. But even in Canada, back in 1994, the Edmonton Oilers got City Council to impose a ticket tax on all events in the city-owned Coliseum to pay their $2.4-million rent. By 1998, the Oilers managed to get council to waive the rent entirely, but yet the Oilers kept their ticket tax proceeds.

"No rent, and the ticket tax proceeds to boot. So by 1999, that was a $4.8-million turnaround in the Oilers' bottom line every year. And now that Alberta governor, sorry - premier, set up a lottery that gives the Oilers another $1.5 million every year.

But look, if the Oilers can get $2.4 million in ticket tax proceeds every year, an elimination of their annual $2.4-million rent, and then come back for another $1.5 million in lottery cash - hell - that's now a $6.3-million annual turnaround in the Oiler's bottom line, or $63 million over a decade. Now look, I'm not saying I need that kind of subsidy package right away. In stages, similar to Alberta, would work. How about it "


Tax Fact:
The average Canuck salary is U.S. $760,000 or (C)$1.2 million.